The Cry of A Minister

The moment comes when you cannot do anything.

You cannot say anything.

You cannot think anything.

There is no rational reasoning or simple encouragement you can give.

There is however, a sickening feeling that nestles in your stomach that makes you tear up. If you are lucky, you can lock yourself in your bedroom, hunch down on the floor, and cry to Jesus or pour yourself out on the alter at church, with the lights off, and doors locked.

What does the minister of the Gospel do when this moment comes? Do you blame God? Do you pray to God? Do you mull over Scripture until something jumps off the page? Do you change your curriculum? Do you change your programming? Do you give up?

No, with tears in your eyes, you humbly come before God to pour out your heart to Him until there is nothing left, you pick up your sword as you stand, and go to battle.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; ¹⁷ and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, ¹⁸ praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 6:10-18 (ESV).

This passage has never rang more true that it does tonight. Tonight, I believe I finally understand this passage and the implications thereof and is my resolve to do battle. Not just for me, but for those under my care and in my circle of influence, as Paul states in 1 Peter 5:2, to shepherd the flock as an example and as Proverbs 27:23 states, to “know the condition of your flock and pay attention to your herds.”

There is a battle that rages on in each of us, and our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and darkness. Satan wants us dead. He wants us to turn our backs away from God and follow after him and he does so cunning and swiftly, thus we need to be on guard and alert, mindful of his schemes (2 Corinthians 2:11, NIV). He is the great deceiver of what God says and how God views us. He convinces us that we are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, for anyone to love us, let alone God. He binds us in chains of our past, constantly reminding us that we are failures and that our secrete sins are unique only to us and are too shameful to ever admit to anyone so that we can be free of this bondage in our lives. Those sins are the ones that keep us from fully trusting in God and coming to Him.

Even through all of our baggage, our fears, our doubts, our questions, our inadequacies, our sin,  Jesus beckons us to come. Jesus tells us to come to him, all who are weary and heavy laden and He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28). Rest. Rest from the battle, rest from the struggle. Not only will He give us rest, but He gives us the victory! “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” 1 Corinthians 15:57 (ESV). Jesus defeated sin and Satan once and for all and there is a day coming that He will destroy Satan forever! But until that day, we must be watchful! Oh Christian, we must watch out for the schemes of Satan!

But at times, that is not enough. It is not enough to watch or take care to fall into his traps. We must do battle. We must prepare ourselves and actively battle. To do that, we must engage in war, and it will come! Will we be ready when that time comes?

As a Minister of the Gospel, this has become a new revelation. In Christian circles, in churches, we are taught basic truths of Christianity at best and nothing more. In essence, we have been taught that 2+2= 4. (2) God sent Jesus down to earth to die for our sins. He did that through dying on a cross and resurrecting from the grave three days later. (+2) He is coming again to bring those who believe in Him home and judge the world and those that do not believe in Him. (=4)In the meantime, do you believe in Him? He offers eternal life and forgiveness of sins. We know the story and have the basics down. But where the rubber meets the road is, is how does this affect daily life? How does Jesus dying on the cross for my sin and being a Christian help me with major decisions in my life, the loss of friends, the death of a parent, failing a class at school, feeling like a screw-up, the temptation of sin, the enticement of entitlement? There is no application, no practical preparation for war being taught. We know why Jesus came, but we do not know what to do with Him afterwards. We do not know how He is supposed to fit neatly into our neat little lives. Granted, we surrender to Him and He plans and leads our lives because we have submitted our will to Him and our lives then fit to His. But students have not been taught how Jesus applies to them, especially when it comes to the “tough stuff” or the cultural norms. There is a disconnect.

We are sending students and adults out into the world to fight a battle that they are not prepared for. When the battle comes, will they be wounded and surrender? Will they become wounded and need healing to stand and fight again? Or will they be captured and become a P.O.W to Satan’s demise that wars against us? Throughout ministry, there are many that flood the mind who have enlisted, and when faced with their first battle, became wounded and surrendered completely. Their rationale was that God does not care for me because I became wounded, so I quit. Others have been captured and have been P.O.W’s slowly giving up hope of breaking free from their prison of sin and being rescued and brought home. Some have been wounded repeatedly with no end in sight, but have gone to the great Healer, and come back ready for battle.

The moment described at the beginning of this post comes from when you as the shepherd of the flock, hear an eyewitness report of a battle that one of your sheep are fighting and they are starting to lose. They do not see how God can keep them safe and whole. They question their lives, their meaning, their purpose, and their identity of who and whose they are. Satan has enticed them, played with their minds and emotions, manipulated them to think that they are something and someone else. They are becoming a P.O.W and are afraid that they never will recover. They also were unprepared for battle as they knew the plan, but did not have a strategy or the armor to defend themselves. As they are attempting to fight back, the shepherd has to also fight back, stronger and more tactically with them. The greatest reminder to the shepherd defending their flock and their sheep, is that the Chief Shepherd watches and cares and fights for both of them, and will equip them as they do battle.

As the battle rages on, the minister of the gospel needs to take their place in battle, on their knees before the Lord, interceding for their flock at all times, being on guard themselves, so that they can lead their flock through battle victoriously, with sword raised high, tears in their eyes, and the cry of the minister:

⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. ¹⁰ And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ¹¹ To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:8-11 (ESV).

Battle by Chris August

Song of Moses by Aaron Keyes

 

 

 

 

My Heart’s Desire

For the past month or so, I have been doing a series on Sunday nights with (my) middle school and high school students called “God Story.” God Story was the first theme of MFUGE that I went to as a camper in 2006. It was then I understood that I had a story to tell and that my life and my story mattered. I summed up my experience and what I learned by stating that: we each have a God Story and that God Story is the story that God gave us to tell the world about who He is and what He has done. With that premise, we explored our testimonies. I gave mine, and they worked through theirs. A lot of them took it seriously and some did not finish working on it. I think this is the first time that they have ever had to write it down and really think through their story.

Over the past two weeks, I heard from one of my former students, that her friend unexpectedly died and even though she was not close to him, she still took it pretty hard, to the point of tears, which for her is a huge deal. I texted her and was praying for her and the family. But it made my heart sink to even begin to think, “what if it was her (my former student)?” I had to shake the thought away, because I became emotional. Another former student told me that she was worried about her in that regard, because she did not know where she was with the Lord. I used those emotions to tell (my) current students the importance of their assurance of salvation. Granted, I only was able to tell this to (my) high schoolers, because there was only one middle school student. I used Mark 4 (which was a God moment because I did not remember where this parable was, and when I flipped open my Bible, God turned me right to Mark 4) and the Parable of the Sower. I taught out of Matthew 13, but the God moment definitely made an impact! I explained to them that there are 4 types of people; 4 types of soil and for them to think which one they were. I could see some of them, my group of seniors, really process and think about it.

Then, last night was one of those moments, where if given more time, I would have balled. We had a prayer night for MFUGE, as we leave on Wednesday. I read from Romans 10:1, 8-15, 17 and again referenced the 4 types of people and how they respond by hearing (which is a recent theme God has been showing me through the Parable of the Sower, as well in this passage in Romans 10, where belief and faith come through hearing the Gospel). Romans 10:1 states: “Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved.” I read the context and then told the parents sitting there in the sanctuary, that my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that these students may be saved. I could have balled right then, but I didn’t. After the students were prayed for by the chaperones and the parents there, they in turn prayed for the chaperones. There were tears flowing from students to chaperones. I was then invited by the Pastor’s family to come to their house for dinner and I accepted the invitation. It was there as we were talking about the students and what I had said during the prayer service (to be intentional in conversation as other students from other churches are not saved, but are coming to camp), that we started talking about the salvation of (our) students. They mentioned one girl and the tears started to come as did the questions. She was active in youth, somewhat of a leader, can answer deep questions, and assisted me in VBS and also was a student in my VBS classroom. But they said that they don’t ever remember her making a public profession of faith. I read her testimony. Granted, none of them said “at this day, or this moment, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord.” But still, I was in disbelief, even though I should not have been. The Pastor said that she was afraid to come down front, even though they have talked about it and to her parents. I really started to pray that this week at camp, she will make that decision public.

This morning as I have been catching up on my lectures for seminary, I was watching the Hebrews lecture, which should have been watched 3 weeks ago…..(clears throat) and my professor mentioned absolutely everything that I have written above! He mentioned Mark 4 and the Parable of the Sower and then read Hebrews 6:4-8 and explained: “This passage (really starting in 6:1) is addressing people who appear to be Christians, not those who can lose their salvation. They give evidence of being a Christian, have been a part of Christian community, and even experienced Christian blessings, but at the end of the day, are not truly saved.” He elaborated more on this statement, but I could not pause my lecture fast enough and long enough to get everything he said about this statement written down. The fact that he mentioned this coupled with the conversation I had last night at the Pastor’s house, I was in tears. He had just described this student; and most of the youth in (my) ministry. Within that moment, God started working in my heart, flooding my mind with statements and ideas and prayers. This week at camp is going to be pivotal! First, it is my first big event as their Youth Director. Second, this is my first time going to MFUGE as a Youth Director and not as a student, as MFUGE is a huge part of my story and testimony. Third, I need to take every opportunity to facilitate the Spirit moving in the lives of these students, especially in Church Group Devotions, as many are like the passage in Hebrews 6; they appear to be Christians and have been apart of Christian community and experienced blessings, but are not truly saved.

I did not know how much me reading Romans 10:1 last night was going to impact me today! This is the verse I am clinging to with full hope, promise, and expectation of God to move and work in these students! It is my heart’s desire and prayer that they may be saved! Not because of me, the work I do, the lessons I teach, the activities I do, but because of God and their need for a Savior.

“For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord, will be saved. But how are they to call on him whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, ‘how beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!’ So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” Romans 10:13-15,17.

Lost Passion…Can You Help Me Find It?

This week, I have realized that among other things of being stressed to the max, that I have lost my passion; my first love.

As I explained in my previous post, I have to explain to people who I am because they do not know me or my interests. And even now, my testimony seems like a well rehearsed story that you read in one of those magazines about inspirational people overcoming tremendous odds in life. I feel such a disconnect from my past, but it still affects me and plays a part in who I am and why I do the things I do.

A very awesome opportunity came up last weekend to cross something off of my bucket list, being on the platform singing at a very well known church. As a Worship Major, it was a huge deal and very humbling. Someone at work asked me about it because they saw me on the screen. I mentioned the conversation I had with two of the front line people who are also fellow Worship Majors that I went to school with and one of them told me that she should have given me the mic during the song. It was after I said that that my co-worker asked did I sing and play and I told them what my undergrad degree was in. They were taken back because they did not know that about me.

A few days later, the same thing happened again. This time it was about the other side of my degree as I came back from a discipleship meeting. I told them how the group got started and they mentioned how a sentence that I said was backwards. I told them no, that that was correct because of my degree. They wondered how I got here and I told them.

It was through both of these moments in this past week that I realized that one, no one here knows me, like really knows me and two that I have lost my passion. I have lost my passion because know one knows it or cares about it. I really realized this when a dear sister of mine texted me the next morning after one of these days (keep in mind she had no clue any of this happened) and it was a picture of a piece of notebook paper. I had to focus my sleep filled eyes to see that it was the song we wrote together last year. I smiled as she said that she keeps this on her dresser and thinks about me everyday. It was then that I realized my passion for music, for worship, for teaching students the Word of God has been lost and misplaced. Granted at my job, I do get to interact with students on Mondays and Wednesdays. And then at church on Sundays, but it is different and not the same as I am used to interacting with them. My worship of God is only when I am at church during service. And I am even losing the meaning of my own title to my blog!! I am seeing and experiencing what many thousands of Americans feel every week, using Sunday services to nourish and sustain them throughout the week. It cannot be done!

I haven’t even played my guitar that is in my closet in a good while. Why has something that I loved to do has become lost? Why is something that came so easily to me, hard to do and find? Is it because of my job, my title, my position? Or is it something else? Is it because I am not being used in the capacity that God has designed me to be used in?

I do not know, only time will tell. But in the meantime:

“I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it”